Marriage is scared institution of God and obviously there are enemies, consciously or unconsciously, that want to brake and destroy the marriage. Most married people fails to learn what can sound the death knell to their marriage, the reason for the high alarming rate of divorce today.
This is a subject we need to examine very well. Most married people fail to learn what can sound the death knell to their marriage, the reason for the high alarming rate of divorce today. Marriage is scared institution of God and obviously there are enemies, consciously or unconsciously, that want to destroy the marriage
As we examine them one by one, may the good Lord help us to keep out those things that want to destroy our marriage? The marriage comes before the family, if the marriage is killed, the family is destroyed. Keeping the fire of the marriage burning requires effort and it is then the family will last. Lets examine these marriage killers and how to avoid them one after the other.
1. Over-commitment
Over-commitment has destroyed many marriages (Song of Solomon 1:6; Pro 27:8; Gen 26:8).Being over-commitment will lead to the destruction of the marriage. Marriage requires time together to share, talk, play, and plan and pray. But when it is not available, then gradual death will set in. Some people can spend time with every person except their spouse.
Area of over-commitment
business, job, social service, religious activities, ministry, sporting activities and being a workaholic. Working couples must not allow the job to take over their homes.
Negative effect of over-commitment
No time for your spouse
No romantic life between couples
No time to stay with and train the children
No time for family worship and God's word
No time for personal spiritual nourishment
No time to share and plan together.
It will result in lack of control, wayward children, promiscuity, indiscipline, loneliness, separation and divorce
Remedies to these marriage killer
Organized your time - Eccl 3:1; Ps 90:12
Plan creatively and constructively
Do one thing well at a time
Deliberately make out time to spend with your family.
2 Unforgiving Spirit
Unforgiving Spirit is a terrible marriage killers (col.3:1; Mk.11:24-26; Eph. 4:25-32).It is obviously the offence must come. We shall offend and displease each other, when they come resolve to forgive. Women must especially learn to have a forgiving spirit to have a forgiving spirit. Unforgiving spirit leads to sickness, diseases, attack of the enemy and loss of favors with God.
3. Promiscuity and Adultery
Promiscuity and Adultery is marriage killer (Pro. 6:32-33; 24-31).It has ruined many homes. It has brought tears, heartaches, sorrow, regret and untimely death.
- Communicate and settle amicably
- Confess and admit faults
- Forgive and forget
- Practice open forgiveness
- Seek outside help and professional counseling.
4. Personality clash among Couples
Personality clash among Couples has kill many marriage(Gen. 3:6; cor. 11:3; 7-9).
There are two unique divine position held by the two great pillars in marriage set-up
A. Position of power, authority, decision-making and leadership occupied by the man. The scripture repeatedly commands men to love their wives - Col. 3:19; Eph. 25:25-28
B. Position of dominance and advisory held by the woman. The Scripture repeatedly commands wives to be obedient to their husbands - Col. 3:18; 1 Pet. 3:1:6:7
These positions are complementary and supportive not competitive. To avoid personality clash couples should...
- Not practice or allow dictatorship
- Usurpation of authority
- Love, peace and respect each other
- Understand role and cooperate
- Accept and complement each other
- Avoid holier-than-thou attitude
- Correct and not always blame
5. Intrusion of extended family members
Intrusion of extended family members can be a marriage killer (Gen. 2:24-25).As much as we are part of an extended family, yet the new couples have their own family to keep. Proper sharing and plan should be made as to whom to allow from the extended family to live with them. It must be a joint decision. Moreover couples should check the excesses of the following:
Father-in-law
Mother-in-law
Brother-in-law
Sister-in-law
Friend-and-Neighbours
Uncles and Niece
Bad advisers
6. Focusing on problem than God
Focusing on problem than God is a marriage killer (Luke 1:6-7 21-23, 59-63).Many have allowed problems to disunite them. Many marriages have been ruined by problems. Barrenness, financial problems e.t.c. But Zacharias and Elizabeth waxed strong in the lord despite problem.
7. Unbecoming characters
Unbecoming characters has destroy some marriages (Pro 14:1). These bad and offensive characters have done much to ruin many otherwise promising marriage, anger, gluttony, pride, stubbornness, laziness, dirtiness, lack of personal hygiene, fighting, quarrelsome attitude and lack of respect, nagging, jealous, suspicious and impatience e.t.c. Without proper prayer and willingness to change these traits will run the marriage.8. Punishment with sex
Punishment with sex is most marriages killer nowadays.There are many marriages that have been broken up as a result of this problem. There are taboos and myths about sex that has been allowed to ruin the marriage of many: (sex is to be endured; sex is sinful; it is only for pro-creation; it makes one get old quickly). Sex is good and Godly within the marriage institution - Gen. 2:25; 4:1; Pro. 5:15:23; Eccl. 9.9; 1 Cor. 7:1-5; Heb. 13:4.
Punishment with sex and denying each other usually leads to strains in marriage. Tension in the home, infidelity and unfaithfulness, sexually transmitted diseases, illegitimate children and broken home.
Settling our sexual problems
There should be no sex outside marriage
Sexuality should be enjoyed proportionality by both partners
Wife should not bet or give conditions for sex with husband
There should be adjustment to each other's sexual nature
Neither should refuse the other for any reason except for prayer and fasting in agreement.
Know and apply correct techniques before, during and after intercourse for sexual satisfaction of both.
Maintain self-control, consider the time of birth, menstruation, success, sadness, sickness and pressures.
Be prepared for the end result of sexuality.
Avoid mocking or blame each other for any sexual inability
Seek professional and medical advise to any forms of sexual deficiencies in either spouse
Avoid extra marital relationship because of the grave consequences.
9. Demonic activities
Demonic activities is a marriage destroyer (Eph. 5:27; James 4:7).The devil and his demons are against the success of any marriage; therefore they will attack the marriage with any one of these problems and difficulties. Barrenness, joblessness, curse, poverty, sickness, diseases, various problems, traditional and customs, friend and advisers. Premature death of children and spouse. Sometimes the wife and children become demonized and the home is ruined.
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