One of the major dysfunctions of the Church today has to do
with the issue of FATHERHOOD. The calamities and corruption of the Church today
can be traced back to poor fathering. Too many so-called ‘fathers’ have not
been responsible fathers, while some have abused their fatherly positions.
Consequently, many ministers are without father-figures in their lives and the
ministries have been the worse for it.
Furthermore, many teachings, books and write-ups on
mentoring and fatherhood have been grossly one-sided and the results have been
unpalatable on all sides. This teaching will take a scriptural and
dispassionate look at these major dysfunctions again with a view to strike the
much needed balance for the good of all.
The Bible, the very word of God that has been kept for
thousands of generations addresses the issue of fatherhood and sonship squarely
and without ambiguity.
“And think not to say within yourselves, We have Abraham to
our father: for I say unto you, that God is able of these stones to raise up
child unto Abraham.” Matthew 3:9
“After this manner therefore pray ye: Our Father which art
in heaven, Hallowed be thy name.” Matthew 6:9
Our Lord Jesus introduced God of heaven as our Father.
Abraham is addressed as the father of faith. Apostle Paul introduced himself as
a spiritual father to Timothy, his son in the faith.
“Unto Timothy, my own son in the faith: Grace, mercy, and
peace, from God our Father and Jesus Christ our Lord.” 1 Timothy 1:2
Fathers are the spiritual giants OVERSEEING, COVERING and
BACKING us up along the journey of life and faith.
Everyone needs a father, but not everybody can and do
function as good, godly father to those under him. The place of a good father
cannot be overemphasized. A fatherless generation is surely a lost generation.
There can be BIOLOGICAL FATHERS, SPIRITUAL FATHERS, CHURCH FATHERS, MINISTRY
FATHERS and ETERNAL FATHERS.
Age, class, status, levels or degrees doesn’t make anybody a
father, but maturity and responsibility.
Moses had Father Jethro
Young Joshua had Moses
Young Samuel had Prophet Eli
King Saul had Prophet Samuel
Prophet Elisha had Prophet Elijah
King David had Prophet Nathan
King Solomon had King David
Apollo had Priscilla and Aquila
Paul had Simon, Barnabas
Timothy had Apostle Paul
Spiritual fathers can be called several names, such as
Mentors, Coaches, Leaders, Influencers and Overseers.
“For though ye have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet
have ye not many fathers: for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the
gospel.” – 1 Corinthians 4:15
A spiritual father is someone who BROUGHT YOU to the Lord;
DEVELOPED and TAUGHT you; DISCIPLED you; NURTURED and BELIEVES in you; gave you
platform and INTRODUCED you; TRAINED and HONED your gift and calling; PRAYS and
INTERCEDES for you; give you foresight out of his own hindsight.
A pioneer in ministry and someone who has brought much
challenge, inspiration, instruction and blessings to your life by his own
examples, teachings and ministry.```
A true father invests TIME, TRUST and TREASURES in his
children over a long period of time. A true father SPENDS and continues to
invest in the future potentials of his children. He is really happy to see them
grow and fulfill potentials.
In some occasions, your spiritual father can also function
as your mentor and coach, but in other occasions, your mentor will be different
from your spiritual or biological father.
THE NEED FOR SPIRITUAL FATHERS IN MINISTRY (Acts 18:24-28)
By its nature, ministry is a thankless job and it kills.
Without spiritual fathers, you can easily be consumed by the vagaries of
ministry. If you are to last long and survive the contaminating effect of
ministry, you will surely need a father figure in your life.
For training,
instruction and leadership.
For direction,
counseling and guidance.
For covering,
protection and upliftment.
For accountability
and responsibility.
To avoid error,
false doctrine and drifting.
For blessing and
favour.
For platforms and
open doors.
To avoid mistakes
that ruin ministries.
No matter who you are and the level of your encounter with
the Lord, you will surely need a father figure in your life. Without a good and
godly spiritual father, you will fall prey to the gimmicks of the devil.
How can you really go far, when you are the all in all of
your life and ministry?
Roberts Liardon had no father in ministry and he fell.
Ted Haggard failed to open up to his father, but when he
fell, his father saved His ministry.
Larry Stocktill and John Maxwell credited their lives and
ministry success to their biological and spiritual fathers.
Don’t ever do ministry without a good and godly father that
will hold you accountable. You will always NEED someone to report yourself to,
someone to speak candidly to you, someone who can call you by your first name
and spank you on the head, someone that will sharply rebuke you, someone you
are truly afraid of and who has authority over your life and ministry.
You need someone who has the permission to discipline you
when you go out of line.
You need someone you can submit your “revelations” to before
you start teaching them.
Unfortunately, lots of young ministers of today don’t have
this kind of person in their lives and ministries, no wonder many are going
astray and dabbling into erroneous practices.
I agree that this issue had been grossly abused today, to
the extent that many ministers have no father figure in their lives and
ministries.
Many are practicing distant fathering, calling someone your
father whom you don’t have one on one relationship with. Just like many people
referring to TD Jakes as their father or mentor, whom they have not seen, known
or met.
While wrong teachings and practices have portrayed the issue
of fatherhood or mentoring in ministry only from the financial angel, yet the
fact of scripture shows that it is far beyond that.```
RESPONSIBILITIES OF SPIRITUAL FATHERS (I Cor. 4:15, Isaiah
42:1-4, Prov. 13:22)
Someone might be asking about distant or abstract mentoring,
coaching or fathering, and this would be my reply:
There is possibility of distant and abstract mentoring. I
have benefitted from this also. Even, lots of people are mentored by my posts,
books and teachings over the years, but the ideal nature of mentoring is one on
one.
Personal contact, nurturing, covering, impartation,
accountability, and sharing are fundamental to spiritual mentoring. Another
scriptural name for mentoring or fathering is DISCIPLESHIP.
Spiritual fathers have awesome responsibilities in the body
of Christ. Much more than physical fathers, they are to nurture the next
generation of leaders for Christ.
Once you preach the gospel of Christ and you have converts
that look up to you for spiritual growth and walk with God, you are a spiritual
parent, and your responsibilities are inclusive of these:
NURTURING and
EMPOWERING.
Lay a legacy
of good work and value system.
Be a good model and
worthy example.
Broad minded and
developer of talents.
Discipline and
correction in truth.
Encourage the weak,
lift the fallen.
Provide a ladder
and platform.
Challenge and
motivate for great impact.
Invoke divine
blessings, favour and open doors.
A good and godly father must be free from selfishness,
pettiness and jealousy; he is happy to raise up the foundation of many
generations and rebuild the old waste places (Isaiah 58: 10-12).
He must be ready to invest in the potentials, gifts and
ministry of others.
DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A FATHER AND MENTOR
Too many people are confused about the difference between a
spiritual father and a mentor. Yes in many instances, both can be the same, yet
in lots of occasions also, they can be different. Different people can play
these roles in your life over period of time.
For example, I have some few spiritual fathers in my life,
and also have many mentors. My spiritual fathers were there for me at the
beginning of my spiritual walk with the Lord, they were there for me at the
foundation of my ministry. But I had to look for mentors in the unique area of ministry
that God called me into. You can have many mentors in your life, such as
marriage, finance, ministry, health and leadership mentors or coaches. The
followings are major differences between a spiritual father and mentors.
A father helped you
to start while a mentor keeps you on track.
A father builds you
up, a mentor gives you clarified vision.
A father sees your
potentials; a mentor makes you fulfill it.
A father keeps
track of you, a mentor speaks to you candidly.
A father endures
with you, a mentor places a demand on you.
A father knows you
well, a mentor seeks to know you.
A true father will
never abuse you, a mentor can take advantage of you.
A true father sets
you on the way, a mentor gives you a ladder to climb.
A true father
posses a large patient heart, a mentor wants verifiable results.
Apostle Paul writes through the inspiration of the Holy
Spirit, “For though ye have ten thousand instructors in Christ, yet have ye not
many fathers: for in Christ Jesus I have begotten you through the gospel”
You will need a mentor and father in the ministry, if you
are going to go far.
Your father or mentor may not be popular, well known nor
have a ‘big’ ministry, but once he has demonstrated the qualities of a good
father or mentor, it is wicked to abandon him for a popular one.
It’s a lie to say you can’t have two fathers. You sure
definitely can have more than one father or mentor, because the one who gave
birth to you, either biologically or spiritually, may not, or do not play that
role in your life to any appreciable degree.
TYPES OF SPIRITUAL FATHERS IN MINISTRY TODAY
A good and godly mentor will add good value to your life and
set you up in the ways of God, to realize His assignment for your life. A
mentor or father that only takes from you but doesn’t add to you is an
aberration.
1. SELF-IMPOSED
FATHERS - are senior ministers that feel that you should be under them, because
they see the good work God is doing through you. They behave as if they are
your mentor and impose themselves on you. They place a demand on you and get
offended if you don’t treat them as they expect.
Without much ado, they proudly refer to you as ‘my son in
the ministry’, when you invite them to preach in your Church or meetings, yet
they are not contributing anything to you, but only interested in your seeds,
tithes and gifts.
2. ABSENTEE FATHERS -
are truly your father, but they are never available. They are not there for you
when you need them. They only collect your tithe and write you a receipt. To
see them might take 3 – 6 months. They see you as a pest in their lives, just a
number or meal ticket. In most cases, they don’t know you, visit you nor put a
call through to you to ask of your welfare. But when they don’t receive your
tithes in time, they threaten to place a curse on you.
3. ABUSIVE FATHERS -
take advantage of you and inflict pain on you. They demand for money, and
expect things you cannot afford from you. They see whatever you give them as a
right and never really appreciate your sacrifices. They castigate, backstab and
injure you.
They take sides with your accusers and run you down at every
opportunity.
4. CASH FATHERS - are
only after money, gifts and benefits from you. They will never correct nor
rebuke you for any wrong. They relate with you on cash and carry basis. They
sing and talk of their needs in your ears, and you only get close to their good
book when money is flowing from you to them. Once the money stops, you are a
bad boy!
5. BACKSLIDING
FATHERS - started with God, but have somehow gone back into sin and error. They
now live against what they once preached. Their lives and ministries have become
corrupt, immoral and against the scripture, yet they are laying hands on
upcoming young ministers here and there, thus contaminating their future.
Moreover, they see you as their son and keep a hold on you.
They find it hard to accept their errors. Some of them have dabbled into
occultism, spurious prophetic acts and strange miracles in ministry, and they
want to lure you in too by your close proximity to them.
6. SELFISH FATHERS -
are fathers that are like king Saul of old. They are jealous, insecure of the
graces, potentials and gifting of their young David. They are threatened,
reactionary and will do anything to keep their protégés in bondage and not
release them to go and fulfill their God given purposes. They only think in
terms of Me, I, Myself.
7. NURTURING FATHERS
- spend time, talent and treasures to nurture and empower sons in the Lord.
They discipline and correct where possible. They demonstrate concern for the
person than their gifts. They hold relational meetings, counseling sessions,
question and answer sessions for their mentees. They visit, call, pray for and
intercede for those who look up to them as spiritual parents. They are willing
to provide resources that will uplift their dependents in the Lord. They are
fruitful grounds to sow.
What kind of spiritual father, mentor or coach are you to
those looking up to you?
INJURIES BY FATHERS
Lots of ministers are carrying internal, ministry and
psychological injuries about, inflicted on them by their spiritual fathers.
Today, lots of MENTORS have become TORMENTORS and MENTHOLATUM due to the
following factors. They bring the following to the lives of their mentees:
Curses in ministry
Stagnation and
crisis
Sexual escapades
and molestation
Scattered Church
and people
Spiritual limitation
and struggling
Rumors and backbiting
Spiritual battle
and warfare
Broken homes and
families
Closed doors and
heaven
Barrenness and
fruitlessness
Wrong counseling
that leads to downfall
Disloyal and double
tongued
Deceptive and
occultic
Breakaway and
backstabbing
Drag name in the
mud
Users and thumb
suckers
Disobedient and
rebellious
Amazingly, some fathers are the architect of the spiritual
downfall of their sons in the ministry. They feel jealous, envious and accuse
their sons of pride and spiritually pray them down! And they rejoice at their
downfall.
Many of the breakaways and losses we see in Church today can
be traced to poor fathering. Just as poor biological fathers raise up wayward,
delinquent and vagabond children that troubles society, so also does bad,
abusive and selfish spiritual fathers raise up ministry delinquents that
practice evil things and teach strange doctrines in the body of Christ, thereby
bringing shame to themselves and reproach to Gods name.
QUALITIES OF GOOD AND GODLY FATHERS (I Tim. 1:2)
Spiritual fathers must possess some very salient qualities,
if they are going to raise a godly generation for the Lord.
Sound and vital
relationship with the Lord
Experienced
in the things of the Lord
A good and growing
person in the Lord
Walking and working
in the Lord
Growing in
spiritual dealings of the Lord
Fresh, full and
refreshing in the Lord
A true leader and
up-lifter of men
A true father’s
heart to help and nurture
Broadminded and
flexible for the Lord
A good model and
example of godliness
A passion to help,
lift and promote others
A fruitful life,
ministry and work
Faithful family man
and minister
Being a spiritual father is a very costly and grave work. It
is not for spiritual dwarfs and those who have no record of consistent impact
in the Kingdom. It is a work for those who are willing to stoop low to raise
the next generation of leaders for the Lord. And that is a tough job,
unfortunately, not many big, popular and wealthy ministers can do it
effectively.
RELATIONSHIP WITH SPIRITUAL FATHERS
Unfortunately, too many ministers don’t know how to truly
choose nor relate with a spiritual father. Very many only have spiritual
fathers in name only, yet they build no relationship with their fathers.
It takes good relationship before you can enjoy the maximum
benefits of spiritual fathers.
1. You must carefully
pray and seek the Lord for a spiritual father and formally inform him.
2. You must watch,
see and observe the life and teachings of your father. Don’t follow blindly.
3. Your spiritual
father must be someone you admire, love and are happy to be with.
4. Your spiritual
father must spend time with you and share together.
5. Your spiritual
father must know you, your story, struggles and successes.
6. Your spiritual
father must speak to your life regularly.
7. You must profit
and be promoted by the counsel and prayers of your father.
8. You must not be
ashamed to show off your spiritual father.
9. You must follow
the example of your spiritual father.
10. You must sow into
and tap into the wisdom, grace and anointing of your father (not only money
though)
THE FATHER'S BLESSING (Gen. 27:4, 33; 48:15; 49:22-26)
Fathers have power and authority over their sons. They can
make and mar through their blessings or curses. Many leaders have no physical
or spiritual father to bless them and their work, which is the reason for their
struggling and failure.
Father's blessing
brings promotion
Father's blessing
brings exaltation
Father's blessing
brings fruitfulness
Father's blessing
brings victory
Father's blessing
brings favour
Fathers blessing
brings breakthrough
Father's blessing
brings release from curse
Father's blessing
breaks old law and brings new
An unspoken blessing over a child means the child will
inherit all the negative points of the father. Abraham never really blessed
Isaac (Gen. 25:5) which made Isaac inherit delayed childbearing, backsliding,
lying of the father and his physical wealth.
Leaders and fathers must internationally and deliberately
bless their children. Sons must deliberately seek the blessings of their
fathers. Something will really be missing in your life without the blessing of
a father.
SON'S RESPONSIBILITY TO FATHERS (I Sam. 17:55, 58)
Who is your father? Whose son are you? If you are not a son,
you cannot raise true sons.
In ministry today, we have different types of children and
sons:
VAGABOND SONS –
Unsure, prostituting and immoral sons.
DISOBEDIENT SONS –
a pain to their father.
FATHERLESS SONS –
responsible to nobody but themselves.
PRODIGAL SONS –
wasters and sinful.
PLEASING SONS – a
pride, you and promotion to the father.
You can only be blessed and benefit maximally when you are a
true and pleasing son to your father (Pro. 31, 11; 27:11)
1. Even if you are
fatherless, go and prayerfully, carefully choose a good and godly father.
2. Formally tell him
that you are making him your father.
3. Strive to build a
cordial relationship with your father.
4. Publicly proclaim
your father to others.
5. Be open to the
correction and rebuke of your father.
6. Don’t expect your
spiritual father to be an angel he is human.
7. Forgive his
mistakes, once they are not blatant sins and errors.
8. Take good care of
your father in cash and kind.
9. Visit, relate and
spend time with your father as much as possible.
10. Consciously seek
your fathers blessing always.
11. Prove to your
father that you are not a bastard and his investment is not a waste on you.
Because good, godly and truly spiritual fatherhood is
largely missing in the Church, calamities have continue to bedevil the Church
of Christ in the world. It’s time we rise up to become and provide the kind of
spiritual fatherhood that can bring healing, health and dynamism back to the
Church. The time is now.
Question
1. After you have prayed about your spiritual father and
inform him must you attend his church if he want you to become his member
2. As a minister that has a church, is it a sin to pay tithes
in your own church or pay your tithes in your
spiritual father church? Is it biblical?
Answers
1 It is not a MUST
you attend your spiritual father's Church but it is compulsory you keep in
touch with his teachings, books, lifestyle in real life.
My spiritual father is a Baptist and I'm a C&S but we
keep quality communication to the point that I don't do major things without
his knowledge.
2 Please, pay your
tithe according to the leading you have in the Spirit and be sure the Lord
has led you thus.
Lastly I learnt that you should not have more than one
spiritual father, anything aside that signify you are a bastard. In reference
that you can't fellow in different church but just one Church
Checking biologically, you have only ONE father and that's
what is. You can however, have more than one mentor and role models but ONE
father...
And that matter of being a bastard is not correct - once
your spiritual father is erring in spiritual and doctrinal stands, please move
forward, don't stick with a backsliding father.
You can't fellowship in more than one Church except for a
rare case of change of location but even at that, STICK TO YOUR FATHER and drink
from his spiritual well
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